Lately, I've had swinging on my mind.
I've been thinking about what it might be like to explore that somewhat taboo side of sexuality. The older I get, the more open I become about things that would have been out of the question several years ago. Of course, it helps to have a loving partner who is very open-minded and willing to try anything new, as long as such experimentation enhances our relationship. Easing into sexual adventures with "baby steps" makes things like swinging feel much less threatening, too.
There is so much about swinging that seems incredibly hot. There is the sweet exploration of learning about another person, having that "first time" again and again. There is the thrill of not knowing exactly what you're going to get -- a nice friendship that occasionally includes sex, or a sexual romp that doesn't even include real names, or something unique in-between? There is the pleasure of knowing that you are sharing your partner, not because they are stepping out on you, but because you want to share something new and exciting with them -- and with another person, of course.
On the other hand, I have a bit of a possessive streak, and that doesn't exactly bode well with the swinging lifestyle. Swinging is all about sharing, exploring different avenues of sexuality, turning others on while you let them get your juices flowing...but how does that translate for someone who has always been, and forever will be, a one-man kind of woman?
Some days, I get incredibly turned on by the idea of my partner being serviced by another woman. In my mind, she's a virtual stranger, someone we just met, or someone we have known for a while but only in a shadowy kind of way, someone who flits and flirts into our life for an evening here and there, and then she's gone. I sometimes picture her going down on him, and the thought of it is enough to make me breathless. Sometimes I imagine having my own turn with her when they're done, and that gets me ready and raring to go.
Then there is the thought of another couple, taking our turns however we please, a solid evening of "anything goes" that we can walk away from the next morning with sweet, delicious aches and secret smiles. Every possible scenario has wandered through my head, and all of them are fantastic.
But other days that possessive streak kicks in good and hard, and the thought of sharing my partner with anyone else -- or being with anyone else myself, for that matter -- is enough to put me in a surprisingly foul mood. Don't mess with the sweetness of the way things are, that little voice in the back of my head tells me. Don't mess with what's already beyond good.
And then my thoughts swing back to the naughty. Back and forth, back and forth...is it okay, even normal, to have thoughts that swing back and forth when it comes to swinging?
I read on a swinging message board that one should not feel morally compromised by the act of swinging. On the other hand, another poster pointed out that that feeling of "this is wrong" and "we shouldn't be doing this" added to the sheer pleasure of playing with others. Obviously, swinging should always fit into the context of a good relationship and enhance it. It should never be something that brings a dark, questionable or brooding atmosphere into the bedroom.
Perhaps it is a matter of finding a nice balance between the sharing and the possessiveness. There are many people out there who can find that balance and make it work.
Am I one of those people? I keep swinging back and forth about the idea. How about you?